Man who stand on toilet high on pot.

Being lazy means that you have to be efficient!

Dreams are the touchstones of our character.

To be nobody-but-yourself -- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

There is nothing in the whole world so painful as the feeling that one is not liked.

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today.

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.

Whatever you do may seem insignificant, but it is most important that you do it.

There are painters who transform the sun into a yellow spot, but there are others who with the help of their art and their intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun.

A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.

It's surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you're not comfortable within yourself, you can't be comfortable with others.

Life's up and downs provide windows of opportunity
to determine...[your] values and goals...Think of
using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want.

Love is not what we become but who we already are.

The only way to have a friend is to be one.

Optimists are right. So are pessimists. It's up to you to choose which you will be.

Deep down inside of all of us is the power to accomplish what we want to, if we'll just stop looking elsewhere.

People begin to become successful the minute they decide to be.

Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keeps friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.

Grenville Kleiser

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

To help the young soul, to add energy, inspire hope, and blow the coals into a useful flame; to redeem defeat by new thought and firm action, this, though not easy, is the work of divine man.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

What we actually learn, from any given set of
circumstances, determines whether we become
increasingly powerless or more powerful.

Wise men put their trust in ideas and not in circumstances.

Laziness is a secret ingredient that goes into failure. But it's only kept a secret from the person who fails.

Real life isn't always going to be perfect or go our way, but the recurring acknowledgement of what is working in our lives can help us not only to survive but surmount our difficulties.

There is no chance, no destiny, no fate,
That can circumvent or hinder or control
The firm resolve of a determined soul.

Courage charms us, because it indicates that a man loves an idea better than all things in the world, that he is thinking neither of his bed, nor his dinner, nor his money, but will venture all to put in act the invisible thought of his mind.

The Art of Peace begins with you...Foster peace in your own life and then apply the Art to all you encounter.

Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are
what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.

...even without success, creative persons find joy in a job well done. Learning for its own sake is rewarding...

If you don't double-click me, I can't do anything.

A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains,
I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes. The receptionist asks, Have you ever seen a
doctor? and the man replies, No, just spots.

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up? Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

The course was very thorough. What wasn't covered in class was covered on the final exam.

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying A dollar per point.
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change

Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?

The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, Guns don't kill people. I do.

Problems sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material.

Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing--It's a great stress reliever.

Have you ever fallen asleep in class and awoke in another? That's the way I felt all term.

He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high.

The Internet is so big, so powerful and pointless that for some people it is a complete substitute for life.

There are three kinds of death in this world. There's heart death, there's brain death, and there's being off the network.

We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.

Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.

Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep.

How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it.

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents.

Consciously or unconsciously, every one of us does render some service or other. If we cultivate the habit of doing this service deliberately, our desire for service willsteadily grow stronger, and will make, not only our own happiness, but that of the world at large.

I envy people who drink -- at least they know what to blame everything on.

If it were weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.

The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.

I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.

A mans character is his guardian divinity

A mighty flame followeth a tiny spark.

Look, just tell him you had sex with his wife!

No soup for you!

Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly

Everyone has something to hide except for me and my monkey.

We lift ourselves by our thought, we climb upon our vision of ourselves.

You gotta motivate yourself. C'mon motivate yourself, motivate yourself!

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you dont, life controls you.

A mans character is his guardian divinity

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?

The world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Genius...means little more than the faculty of perceiving in an unhabitual way.

Curiosity about life in all of its aspects, I think, is still the secret of great creative people.

Mistakes are a fact of life. It is the response to error that counts.

Ayn Rand Says...

Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values.

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a moron. --

Well I've got her number! How do ya like them apples?!!

Charity and personal growth are the only investments.

There can be no transforming of darkness into light and of apathy into movement without emotion.

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

You college guys are all alike, all you really care about is getting laid. I wish I was going with you.

Is Mike Hunt here? Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?

I think I got a fish in my pants. Oh no, wait, that's just me.

Do you know what it's like to fall in the mud and get kicked, in the head, by an iron boot? Of course you don't--no one does--that never happens.

Without knowing the force of words, itis impossible to know men

Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of everyday. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

If we all did things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves

Every man is an impossibility until he is born.

Only in men's imagination does every truth find an effective and undeniable existence. Imagination, not invention, is the supreme master of art, as of life.

Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

No person can be a great leader unless he takes genuine joy in the successes of those under him.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

It's kind of fun to do the impossible.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

I'm opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are driving taxi cabs and cutting hair.